The Beginning

 It does not take a lot for me to remember where I've been. When I close my eyes with the intent to remember, I can practically grasp my past with my fingertips. I can almost taste the loneliness as it slides down the back of my throat; I can nearly feel the weight of hopelessness as it drapes around my body; I can all but grab hold of the intense guilt, shame and humiliation that once wrapped like a noose around my neck and smothered my every breath. But, today, these are but memories. Like so many other wary souls, I have experienced the demoralizing grasp of addiction and have been caught in its' strangling tentacles. As I look back, it is not unlike how I imagine a labyrinth to be: an impossible, endless maze of destruction and chaos. Few people ever find their way out; I am blessed that I am one. My life (and that of those I love) was ravaged and, I believed, beyond repair. But, after handfuls of treatment centers, hospitals, jails, and institutions, I have emerged from the fiery inferno. I have put the pieces of my life back together, and in the process, I have been overcome with gratitude for the opportunity to simply live. I am grateful for deep belly laughs, for authentic tears, and for healed relationships. I have been given the gift of a new life, and I want to live it with intention, kindness, passion, integrity and, above all, joy. Of all the places I have looked for purpose and happiness, I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would find it in the ashes of my destructive past. Nonetheless, it is in that very place where my serenity took root and the meaning in my life blossomed.

This is a blog sharing pieces of my journey and how gratitude has become my tool for wiping the mirror clean so that I can look upon my reflection and see the unabashed, imperfect beauty that lies there.